Fiber Arts Lore: The Sweater Curse
Also called 'the boyfriend sweater curse', the sweater curse can bring couples together or show the cracks
If you’ve been around fiber arts circles both in person and online you’ve probably heard of the Sweater Curse. To me the curse is not really anything more than a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you don’t know, the curse is if you knit (or crochet) your boyfriend (or any partner) a sweater you’ll end up breaking up by the time it’s finished. There are threads on reddit of people sharing how this “curse” has popped up in their lives, blog posts (like mine!) and even a book or two.
Makers have hashed and rehashed this curse since its inception. It’s come back to me recently as I have been working on gift knits.
I do have a confession, I made my finance a sweater before we got engaged. I started in 2020 and it was the first sweater I started. I knew he really liked Star Trek and I thought it would be a great present to knit him a Next Gen uniform. I picked a vintage pattern and a cotton yarn and started.
Now that project has issues of its own not related to the man I was making it for. The issues were all on me and the fact I didn’t think my yarn choice through when choosing the pattern and making adjustments. (I’ve since made much better fitting sweaters.)
While I was making it, I would set it down for a few months and pick it back up in 2022 after I had made a few other sweaters. I did push through and finish it right before Christmas that year.
It didn’t fit over his head at first, where I sewed the armsholes a bit tight, the sleeves are two different sizes and the colorwork is wonky. But I had finished it and he even wears it sometimes. (Not really out and about but at home.)
The sweaters I have tried to knit him have taught me a lot about: myself as a crafter, our relationship and who I consider garment worthy. I know now that even if my finished object is objectively poorly made – my fiance still appreciates something about it. He sees the time and energy I put into it and I appreciate that from him.
To circle back to the curse, I called it a self fulfilling prophecy because well it is. If you believe it, it could happen. Making someone a gift project can highlight different priorities in the relationship.
It takes a lot of time to make a sweater and you have to trust the person you give it to will appreciate it. When I make things for people I often think of what they might like, what they’ll wear and even if I think the finished object will fit their lifestyle.
The curse highlights mismatched interest and faults in a relationship the maker and the receiver have. If you make a whole sweater and they don’t like it or seem uninterested it can be really demoralizing. If you make something you think they’ll like and it’s not their style it could bring communication issues to the front as well.
The only way to really avoid the curse is to just never make anyone anything. But let's be real, that's not always something you want to do. So before you take dozens of hours to make a big project and spend the money on yarn – sit with yourself and really think about your relationship.
You could ask yourself questions like: would my partner like “insert item here”?; Do they wear / use items like this?; Why do I want to make them this item?; If we break up how would I feel about them keeping the item?
I must have gotten just a little bit lucky when I decided to make my partner that first sweater. I knew he would probably wear anything I made him and I knew I wanted to make him a sweater because I loved him. He had appreciated the countless throw blankets I had made over the years and so I felt secure in this decision.
Plus if we broke up, oh well! There were some much bigger problems with our relationship if me making him a sweater could break it.
Kali Nelson is a firm believer the sweater curse is what you make of it and that any large investment of time can show the cracks in a relationship. She is still trying to make a garment that fits her partner but she’s got years ahead of her for that.